Jackass: Fire and Rescue
by TheBarfly001
Summary: What happens when you put the Jackass crew in the Cars/Planes World? Stunts, pranks, and other hi jinks. *Note: I've cut out some parts that were unfit to be in the story.*


In a universe where humans and anthropomorphic transportation lived together, it was otherwise another seemingly ordinary day at Piston Peak. The birds were singing, the tractors were chewing, and Dipper was getting fitted with a new pair of pontoons. Maru the forklift had to work for hours to attach them. Finally, after the tightening the very last bolt, Maru took off his goggles and set them down on the counter. "All set, Dipper.", he told her. Dipper nodded and rolled out of the shop. "And don't raid the fridge anymore!", he called out to her. Dipper smirked a little and pretended to ignore him. Maru sighed and went back to work. As the sun started to set, Maru stopped working and finally called it quits until the next morning. He soon closed the door of the shop and drove off towards the hangar across the runway. Once he was there, Maru opened the door and went towards the television set. This was where I, Barfly, came into the picture. I peered around the corner to watch him become a victim of my latest prank. I snickered a little and watched as he was about to turn it on. That was when I pulled a grenade from the pocket of my cargo shorts. I pulled the pin and tossed it at him. It clanked around like the real deal and started beeping rapidly. "AHHHHHH!", he screamed. "BANG!" The grenade exploded, its contents turning out to be party streamers.

Maru shook with fear and opened his eyes slowly. Then he figured out what really happened. "BARFLY!", he roared. "Uh, oh.", I said in panic. Then I made a run for it. I then tripped, causing my black army beret to come off my head. I looked up there was Maru showing his classic missing toothIn a universe where humans and anthropomorphic transportation lived together, it was otherwise another seemingly ordinary day at Piston Peak. The birds were singing, the tractors were chewing, and Dipper was getting fitted with a new pair of pontoons. Maru the forklift had to work for hours to attach them. Finally, after the tightening the very last bolt, Maru took off his goggles and set them down on the counter. "All set, Dipper.", he told her. Dipper nodded and rolled out of the shop. "And don't raid the fridge anymore!", he called out to her. Dipper smirked a little and pretended to ignore him. Maru sighed and went back to work. As the sun started to set, Maru stopped working and finally called it quits until the next morning. He soon closed the door of the shop and drove off towards the hangar across the runway. Once he was there, Maru opened the door and went towards the television set.

Later that day, I was eating lunch when I heard the whine of a jet engine in the distance. I looked out and saw a Learjet with a green visor coming in to land. Once he did so, he taxied off the runway, parked in front of the main hangar and shut down his engines. The air stair opened and four men started walking down. I immediately recognized them. The thin man with black spiky hair was Johnny Knoxville. The midget was obviously Jason Acuna, a.k.a. Wee Man. The fat guy was Street Bike Tommy, and lastly the tall guy with the buzz cut was Steve-O. "Oh my gosh!", I gleefully exclaimed, "You're the Jackass crew!" "That's right!", Johnny said to me, "We're currently filming Jackass Number Four, and we need another location to film." Then Johnny said something else to me. "I was emailed a video of you getting wedgied by a forklift for throwing a grenade at him." Immediately I started to sweat a bit. Then he added, "You're Jackass material!" I stood there, stunned at what he had just said to me. I asked him, "You want me to join your crew?"

That evening, the smokejumpers had heard about the new arrivals and decided to entertain them for a bit while hogging the camera. Drip was first to do so by jumping off a mound of dirt and then spinning on his head. Johnny and the others laughed and clapped. Dynamite was then next. She had her parachute strapped on and parked on the edge of the cliff. Looking at the camera she said, "Hi. I'm Dynamite, and this is the Cliff Jump. She reversed and then accelerated forward. Immediately she fell off, all of us watching in awe. The parachute opened a second later and she floated down towards the ground. Unbeknownst to me, Steve-O got out a paddle and whacked my rear rather hardly. "Yeeeoooowwwww!", I yelled. The guys laughed hysterically. When Steve-O wasn't looking, I snatched the paddle and started to chase him around with it. After whacking Steve-O, I threw the paddle on the ground and left him to lie there, holding his crotch in pain. Everyone else started laughing.

At the end of the day, we all headed back to our private quarters, each of us having separate rooms except for Johnny and the crew. They had to sleep in the hangar where everybody watched CHiPs. The next morning I woke up to find Cabbie in front of my door. "Morning, Barfly.", he greeted me mischievously. I immediately said, "Uh, oh." Then I felt a black sack being put over my head and my hands being tied up. Then I heard the voice of Drip as he picked me up with his claw. I tried to get free but it was no use. A few minutes later the sack was taken off and I saw that I was inside Cabbie's cargo hold. The Jackass Crew were surrounding me. Wee Man was holding the camera. Then Johnny pulled out my beret from his pocket and put it on my head. We then felt a rumble which meant Cabbie was starting up his engines, which growled as they did so. The cargo door closed and soon Cabbie took off with us inside, save for the smokejumpers because Blade Ranger had given them the day off. My popping ears told me that we were getting higher in altitude with every second that passed. The depressurization soon put me to sleep like a baby.

A half hour later, I opened my eyes to find the cargo door open. Wee Man started to record me again. "Ready, Barfly?", he asked me. I didn't answer, saving my voice for the moment of the stunt. Five more minutes later, I was finally ready. I then looked at the camera and yelled, "Hi, I'm Barfly, and this is the forest jump!" Johnny picked me up and counted, "One, two…three!" He tossed me out of Cabbie, and the winds immediately started blowing all around me, my beret coming off my head. The parachute opened three seconds later. I turned my eyes to my beret, which fell one thousand feet and landed in a clearing. But the wind was unforgiving and it pushed me to the other side of the river, where I landed. "How am I gonna get it now?", I pouted. "Well, things could be worse.", I added. I got out a cigarette and my lighter. I did light the cigarette, but the wind blew it away into the woods. "Oh, crud.", I mumbled and jumped into the water. I swam across to the other side and retrieved my beret to put it on my head. "Well, Hawai'i is nice this time of year.", I said to myself while running for my life…again.

THE END


End file.
